Monday, March 15, 2010

Why am I such a Psycho?

Alright, I'd like to say that for the most part I've kept pretty sane throughout this pregnancy thus far. I don't think I've turned into a comeplete pregzilla (I just made that up, funny right?) and I hope my husband still feels like he's married to the same person. But, I'll be honest, I have had my crazy moments... and I'm not proud of them. For some reason there are just times where something triggers some wild emotion in me and I've reacted a lot more drastically then I think I normally would have. I suppose by putting them out in the open that I hope to receive some kind of liberation from the guilt I'm feeling. Plus, I think these will be somewhat entertaining for me to look back on one day.

Towards the very beginning of my pregnancy I was feeling extremely emotional and I experienced a few outbursts. One took place after I had returned from an annual shopping trip with the girls in the Salmon family back in November. Troy's dad was sweet enough to surprise us all with some cash to go shopping with (I was so excited I started crying of course) and when I got home Troy thought it would be a good idea to throw the extra money I hadn't spent into our little savings jar for a new couch. It made total sense, I really wanted a new couch and Troy had been putting the extra money that he came across into it so why shouldn't I? The truth is I really wanted to keep it for myself, but I put on a brave face and handed over the cash. Afterwards I went upstairs into my closet, and naturally laid on the floor hiding underneath all my hanging clothes and literally BAWLED my eyes out!! Like I mean, gasping for air, body shaking, snot dripping kind of bawling. A little dramatic? Yes, yes it was. After a while Troy came to find me and would have probably had a hard time finding me behind all my clothes had it not been for the sobs that gave my hiding spot away. The poor guy had no idea what to do with me, he told me I could have the money back and that it wasn't a big deal which made me cry even harder because now I felt like a selfish brat. He tried to coax me out from under the clothes, but I wouldn't budge so he came in after me and tried to console me. Haha he looked really scared and confused. I finally came out with mascara smeared all over my spotty red face and once I had regained my sanity I decided the money should go into savings for the couch. I held on to a grudge about it for a while though. Haha! Poor Troy boy. I'm really sorry I went crazy on you honey. At least we can laugh about it now, but I'm still sorry.

The next outburst happened a couple nights later. I was having a rough day and for some reason I was really irritated with Troy that night, I can't remember why. Later on we were getting ready for bed and troy finished before me and climbed into bed. When I came out of the bathroom all the lights were off in our bedroom and suddenly my irritation doubled. As I tried to find my way to my side of the bed I ran into the wooden chest we have at the end of the bed and then as I was trying to find my phone that I had on my night stand and I ended up knocking over a glass of water that I had left there the night before. I lost it. I collapsed on the bed and once again began to bawl my eyes out. I really didn't even know why. Poor Troy had no idea what to do with himself and leaned over and tried to rub my back and ask if I was ok. I screamed "DON'T TOUCH ME!!" Evil pregnant Jemaica was clearly making an appearance and Troy decided it would be best to just back away. It didn't take long for my next mood to swing into place and before he knew it I was skooching over to be cuddled and consoled. I can only imagine what was going through his mind. "COO-COO!!"

My latest outburst took place a little over a week ago. I was running late for class because I had been waiting in the parking lot for a spot for a good 15 min. The technique for getting a spot at Weber State is not to keep driving up and down the aisles (who decided on the spelling for that word anyways) but to stay put at the end of one of them until a student walks down it and goes to their car. It's common knowledge that if you've been parked waiting there then you get first dibs on the spot. Well I had done this exact thing and after waiting for those 15 min a guy finally walked down my lane and so I pulled up closer and put on my blinker. After waiting there for a few seconds this girl turns down the other end of the aisle and stops and begins to wait also. This is the same girl who had passed me about 5 times in search for a spot. Amateur. I began to wonder what the heck she was waiting for because the spot was clearly mine because not only had I claimed the aisle by waiting there for so long, but I had my freaking blinker on. THAT SPOT WAS MINE! Anyways the guy pulls out of the spot in my direction blocking me and suddenly that sneaky girl pulls right in! Oh boy was I ticked. I laid on the horn and pulled up behind her and rolled down my window. I began yelling at her as she got out of her car and told her that was clearly my spot and that she ought to get right back into her car and pull out if she knew what was good for her. She proceeded to say "M'am, (yes she called me M'am, what am I, 40?) you should have been faster, I'm late for class." and she starts walking away from her car. This REALLY set me off! How could I have been faster, I was being blocked!! This girl obviously had no kind driving/parking etiquette and I felt an immense need to teach her a lesson. I decided it would be a good idea to speed up as she crossed in front of my car and then slam on my breaks just to give her a little scare. I know, I know, I'm a psycho! Let's just blame it on my raging hormones ok. Anyways I started yelling at her again telling her that I was late for class too and then I said something stupid along the lines of "you better learn the system around here if you plan to survive girl!!" Who even says that? She continued to walk away and I was left there helpless, without a spot and even more late for class. After another few minutes I finally found a place to park and really felt like I needed revenge. At that point I remembered I had a banana in my backpack and so I went and smeared banana all over her door handles and windshield. Don't worry, I used a plastic baggie to make sure my hands stayed clean. I'll admit that for the first little while it felt really good and I was pretty proud of myself for showing that girl a thing or two, but as time went on I was a little ashamed of myself. I realized I had totally pulled a crazy one. I started to think of better ways to have handled the situation and then I thought about how my baby's hearing has developed and it heard it's mommy going off like a psycho person. I guess I could have done worse to her car, but it still wasn't right and I wish I had more control over my emotions than that. So to the dumb girl who stole my parking spot, if by some slight chance you come across this blog post and realize that this story is about you, I'm sorry for losing my temper and smearing banana all over your car. (But if you ever pull a move like that on me again, I will kill you.) Just kidding!

Well anyways, I'm sure by now I've scared everyone and you are all planning on staying away from me until I deliver this child in August. I promise that I will do better at controlling myself in the future and I've really tried to learn from these outbursts of mine. Heaven help me during these last 20 weeks.

P.s. Turns out I'm not as creative as I thought I was. The whole pregzilla thing already exists.


Ashley said...

lol. been there, dones that. Pregnancy makes you crazy. You will have more outbursts and you will feel completly justified in them. I was a raving lunitic. I use to chew ice chips and drink orange juice reallly sloooowwly to calm down.

Kari said...

UMMMMM...small problem: I'm not even pregnant and I act this psycho on a daily basis.

One day, Nathan didn't answer his cell phone.

Naturally, I thought he died.

So, I started bawling hysterically.

I pulled over to the side of the road.

Crying and crying.

I wrote a funeral speech in my mind.

Good thing he called me back like 2 minutes later!

Suzanne Lee said...

OH man I have some crazy stories too Jem, but right now I can't tihnk of any I just can't stop laughing and I'm even wiping tears from my eyes- that was SO funny!

Anessa said...

I LOVE THIS!! You smear that banana. Don't worry you are just teaching baby how to survive in this world! I love hearing these stories but I NEED PICTURES! I want to see prego JEM!

And I think I peed my pants a little with Kari's comment!!!

Callie said...

Jem! you are hilarious. About the banana thing, I had tears coming down my face because I was laughing so hard. Haha! the other parts, I said to Wes, "I act like this, except I'm not pregnant". So, it could always be worse.

Alisha and Braeden said...

haha love the stories! Braeden is always saying.. I dont even want to know what your going to be like when your pregnant!

haha I am already so emotional.

Amber said...'re hilarious! I was actually glad that you did something to that girls car. I hate it when people take parking spots that aren't theirs. She deserved the banana!

Alyson Cowley said...

Oh my gosh I laughed so hard reading this. Mostly because I totally believe it all and can picture it. Probably because I still remember the fear I had when my old roommates threatened to put their dirty panties on my bed.

Caitlin said...

I LOVE IT!!!! I was awful with Georgia, always cranky and moody. I seriously almost wet my pants reading about you yelling a the girls for taking your spot! I love you! Your hilarious!

The Sohm's said...

O my heck I dont' think I have ever laughed so hard. These are hilarious!!! I wish i would have written down my moments like this when I was prego.