Mommyhood

Leaving the hospital after having Piper was probably one of the most terrifying things I've ever experienced. Even though I had been an aunt since I was 13 I felt completely unprepared for what was ahead of me. When the time came to leave I had not really been able to get Piper to breastfeed. I have never had so many different people see/touch/squeeze/fondle/twist/(I could go on) my breasts in my entire life and even after all that I was still unsuccessful! I was confident that Piper was going to go home with me and starve to death and it would be all my fault. Luckily after a couple of more days of trying and a little formula later Piper and I both got the hang of breastfeeding for the most part. I would NOT have been able to do it without the encouragement from good friends and family and particularly my sister Charity. She came over a couple of days in a row and kept me calm and kept me persistent until I got it down. Not without a lot of tears though of course. A couple days later my mom came for ten days which was a huge lifesaver also. She helped me out in every way and I could not be more grateful that she came. Unfortunately when she left a got really sick and things just seemed to go downhill from there.

I don't know if there is really anything in the world that can prepare you for being a mother. I felt like all I'd ever heard was how wonderful it is but I have to be honest, the first few months were incredibly hard for me. Now I'm not saying this to scare anyone or to be a Debbie Downer, but I hope that I'll be doing someone a favor by being completely honest so they know they aren't alone if they have a similar experience as me. Piper was a pretty colicky baby and something inside you just snaps when you've been listening to a screaming baby for so long and there's nothing you can do to console it. I just felt so helpless and I started to feel really anxious and felt like I had made a big mistake. Those feelings led to feelings of serious guilt and all of that combined made it difficult for me to bond with my sweet little girl. I felt like my whole world had been completely turned upside down and I was too scared to leave my house and began feeling pretty trapped. I started to resent Troy even though he was doing his best because I felt like his life had hardly changed at all and mine was a mess. Of course I loved Piper so much and things weren't always bad, but I just had my moments where I felt like I was sinking! Again, if it hadn't been for good friends and family who were willing to listen to me and make me feel totally normal and not such a bad psycho mother I don't know what I would have done. Everyone just kept promising me it would get better and after about 2 months things really started to turn around for us. Piper began to be a super happy and easy baby!

The first time Piper smiled at me it completely melted my heart and seriously made EVERYTHING worth it for me! As she got a little older and her personality started to shine through I felt such a strong connection with her I seriously felt like I would explode with love for her. I really started to feel like I was getting the hang of things, I began to know what to expect and how to read Piper a lot better. Since then motherhood has been such a treat for the most part. I forget what life was like without my baby girl and she brings so much joy to Troy and I. It is so much fun to watch her grow and develop. I swear things just change so quickly it's insane! My baby is almost half a year old! She's just the cutest thing and I love her happy and curious nature. She's been very alert since she was born and she loves to squirm and move around all the time! I'm so excited for what's ahead with her and I'm happy that I was able to get through those hard times at the beginning. I know that Heavenly Father was really looking out for me and I'm comforted in knowing that he'll always have my back with raising my sweet angel baby Piper.

Welcome To The World Little Piper!

My due date was August 10th. I went to my doctor's appointment that day to see if there was any progress and there wasn't so my Doctor scheduled me for an induction a week later. I really thought I had a whole week ahead of me to get ready for the baby, but I was wrong.

That night I couldn't sleep very well because I was having severe back pain, but I just brushed it off as Piper pressing on my sciatic nerve. The next day I was driving Troy to go pick up his Dad's truck and on the way there I started feeling a little cramping and Troy could tell I was uncomfortable and asked if I was ok. I said ya, just some cramps and Troy proceeds to say "You're getting pretty ripe aren't you." I laughed and said ya I guess. Well right he was! After I dropped him off I was heading home in his car and felt a little trickle down under. The thought crossed my mind that my water may have just broke, but I passed it off as one of my regular tinkling episodes I'd gotten used to throughout my pregnancy. I decided to stop by the mail box before going home and right as I was unlocking the box I felt a big rush of water and quickly grabbed the mail and wobbled back to the car while trying to cross my legs. I put down some flyers on the seat so I wouldn't get it wet and quickly drove home. I knew Troy was about to walk into an important meeting and so I called him and told him I thought my water had broke, but I thought I had a lot of time so I told him to just go into the meeting and I'd keep him posted. I called my doctor's office and they told me I needed to come into the hospital as soon as possible so I texted Troy and he told me he would meet me there after his meeting. Nice... hahaha! I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to drive while you're in labor and so I told him I would have to find a ride and at that point he told me he was on his way home. Apparently he got up in the middle of the meeting and told them his wife was in labor and he needed to go. One of the clients said "The things you kids come up with these days." Haha!

Well Troy came home to me frantically trying to keep it together while I packed up a bag and thought of all the things I felt like I needed to get done before we left. I realized there was wet laundry in the washing machine, dishes in the sink and meanwhile I was being struck with minor contractions. Troy finally grabbed me and told me I was being crazy and that we NEEDED to go the hospital, NOW. So off we went! I was feeling pretty excited and nervous at the same time.

We got to the hospital and checked in and I thought I would have a while before I really had to get to work, but they had me get into a hospital gown right away and checked to make sure the right kind of fluid was coming out. The discovered some meconium (baby's first poo) and decided to set me up to petocin to speed things up. I found out after they hooked me up that I wasn't going to be able to eat until after the baby was born. I was actually really hungry so that was a big motivation for me to get that girl out of me! I just kept talking about when I was going to be able to eat... haha food is clearly a big priority for me. All I was allowed to eat was some ice chips with snow cone syrup on it which was actually pretty awesome.

Troy and I really didn't know what to expect, but my sister Charity soon came to our rescue and really helped us relax by explaining things to us and offered us a lot of comical relief. We also had some awesome nurses helping us out and I really appreciated them.

When the time came for my epidural I was starting to get pretty uncomfortable, but I was still really nervous about the giant needle that was about to enter my spine... Turns out the doctor had to do it twice because he couldn't get it in my spine properly. Definitely not pleasant! I felt relief for a little while but then I started getting really bad pain in my back and ribs and it started to make me throw up so the doctor came back and increased the pain medicine a little bit so the numbing would go a little higher. After that I felt awesome! Turns out the pain was due to the fact that I had gone from a 2 to an 8 within 2 hours. It wasn't too much later that I started pushing little miss Piper out! All everyone kept saying was how much hair she had. I didn't push for long before Piper literally came flying out! The doctor almost didn't catch her and just like that we were officially parents! The whole labor was not nearly as bad as I was anticipating and the time seemed to fly by! We went into the hospital around 3 p.m. and piper was born at 12:00 a.m. plus 9 seconds on August 12th.

When Piper was FINALLY brought over to me after getting her lungs suctioned out due to the meconium I was in heaven! Snuggling up to this sweet little baby was like a dream come true and I couldn't have been happier. At that point I was absolutely exhausted! We got wheeled up to our room and I was really looking forward to a little sleep, but the nurses had other plans. They gave Piper a bath and went through all kinds of paperwork and information with me until 3 O'CLOCK IN THE FREAKING MORNING!!! I was so tired! They finally left Troy and I alone and took Piper with them so we could get a few hours of much needed sleep.

Well turns out the labor was the easy part and I was really terrified for what was ahead of me! I was suddenly a mom to the sweetest little angel, but I really felt like I had NO idea what I was doing!! All I can say is that Piper is now nearly 6 months and thankfully still alive and healthy!

My Graduation

Well it's been a lonely week at home with Troy being away on a hunting trip and I figured it was about time that I post some seriously needed updates.

So it's a little sad that this big event took place all the way back in April and I'm only writing about it now, but I really wanted to document my feelings from my graduation day... well what I can remember 7 months later.

My last semester of college seemed to have sped by. I was super lucky to have made it through the whole semester without my pregnancy really getting in the way of my school work, although I'll admit that I threw out the pregnancy card once or twice. By the time my graduation date had crept up on me I couldn't believe the day had finally come!

It was an awesome day! I was so happy that my parents made the arrangements to be there for the ceremonies and really appreciated their support. Another huge highlight was not only having the Prophet there, but the entire first presidency! I actually got two thumbs up from Pres. Uchtdorf, or Uncle Dieter as I like to call him ;). Hearing from President Monson at the convocation and shaking his hand afterward was seriously a dream come true for me. I felt like the whole thing made up for me not graduating from BYU-Idaho and it was really special. A couple of days before the big day I needed to take a break from my studies and turned on the TV. I happened to come across the biography of Pres. Monson and watched as story after story was shared about all the individual lives Pres. Monson touched through his continuous acts of service. I was struck by all the good he's done in his life by just doing simple kind and thoughtful things for people. He was always so in tune with the spirit and always followed through with the promptings he received. I realized that I could easily follow his example and become more service oriented. After having that experience I was even more excited to hear him speak at my graduation. I remember feeling the spirit really strongly testifying to me of how proud Heavenly Father was of me for sticking it through and getting my degree. I got pretty emotional as I sat and listened to the prophet's encouraging words and felt my sweet little baby girl kicking away inside of me. I thought about how I hoped this accomplishment of mine would better the lives of my children and I again felt a waive of the spirit confirming that it would and that I had done what the Lord wanted me to. I know that I received a lot of help from above throughout my time at school and I'm so grateful for that. My time in college was a time of serious growth, I learned so much more about myself and what I can accomplish. My confidence soared and I realized that I had been cheating myself for many years. It was definitely not always easy and I was often pushed to my limits, but I'm so grateful for all the experiences I had and for all the fun I had in the process. It's still crazy to think that it's over and I don't have to worry about that paper I've procrastinated doing or the test that's looming around the corner! I thought it was pretty classic that on the day of my graduation I was worrying about a late project I still needed to hand in. I will never learn. Well anyways, I hope that even though I don't have to worry about deadlines anymore I will still push myself to continue to learn and grow.

So long college. Thank you for some of the funnest times of my life. Thank you for helping me find myself. Thank you for helping me find my husband. Thank you for your challenges, life lessons, failures and accomplishments. Thank you for great friends and great memories. I'll miss you, well most parts of you at least.

My first semester at BYU-Idaho - Winter 2006

Fall Semester 2006

Winter Semester 2007

Fall Semester 2007

Winter Semester 2008 - My Last Semester at BYU-I :(

Troy's Grad - Summer 2008

My Graduation from Weber State - April 2010